Tuesday, October 03, 2006

Silly story from my journal 2 years ago by Joey M.

Sometimes I feel like I'm a 5 year old kid, trouncing in God's house with muddy shoes, disrespecting him, yet he smiles and shakes his head. "I love that boy so much. I'll allow him to keep messing up my carpet, but I do wish he'd ask me what I want." I fear the asking because of an expectation. I don't want to fear God. I don't want to feel distanced…. When it becomes unavoidable I don't want to play any more. " I see your lips moving but I don't hear any word coming out of your mouth." This is why we continually talk AT god instead of listening. We know that mud sliding is fun, but we don't want to hear that we can't walk on the carpet with muddy shoes; we don't wanna hear that we can only play in "that" room if we want to be in God's house. What I think I'm missing is God playin in that room with me, or saying that he's looking forward to playing with me "here" after dinner. Instead he chases me through the house as I scream up and down the stairs and everywhere I should not be. I resent him when he puts me back outside to deal with my muddy shoes when im good & ready. Or puts me in "that" room without him. He relies patience. "after dinner"

God seems so clean. I think I want to make a few footprints just to see if he's still the same. I wanna play in the mud but it's no fun without him. God also wants to show me his foozeball table, but I won't play it b/c im bitter about the mud still. I certainly miss a lot b/c of my indignancy. "I know you don't like the mud ALL the time, Joey. I'll show you the sweetities of other stuff if you take off your shoes." He tried tos how me scuba diving. I had a hard time cuz I wouldn't take off my tennies. I wanted to be ready when mud time came again. I think I really liked scuba diving, cept I couldn't manuver as I'd like. Secretly, I don't think I'll like mud wrestling anymore if I'd take my shoes, but I don't want to give up something I know I've liked before. What if he introduces me to pingpong or salsa dancing? What if I get to like them mover than mud-playing and don't want to do them anymore? Why I'll certainly feel silly for ever have liked mudding so much! So this is what I'll do. I'll only do the things that I can with my shoes on. God gets frustrated with me. "joey, you're not doing it right. You're not enjoying my pleasures the way they were meant to work," he says as he helps my shoes off. "I'll set these right next to the door so you can get them after dinner, k? c'mon my love, your sister needs someone to play cards with." Whoa whoa whoa. NEEDS? How about wants? I don't like that obligation you're putting on me here. God walks to a chair to watch us play. "just what do you think you're doing?!" I protest. " I wanted to play cards with you!"

"I'm just taking a different role now. I'll judge your game. I'm still involved, just not what you expected when you took off your shoes." I feel cheated. I wanna play with him, not this smiling bitch… she does have a nice smile though. Damn im such a jerk. I don't desrve any of this. I sulk. God lifts my head. "hey now. I love you. Who said anything about deserving?"

"well what about those kids outside?"

"you can come invite them in. they won't want to come though. They like their muddy shoes too much," he says coyly.

"but you let me in…"

"look, child. She's waiting to play. You can go invite the others in later."

"I don't WANT to play cards with her. I want to play cards with YOU!"

"ok fine. I'll help you." He pulls a card from my hand while I sit on his lap. "Let's lay this one, mmm?" She smiled. My stomach flipped. She laid her jack on ours.

"what now?"

"what do you think?" I pointed to a queen. "let's see…" Ohh she didn't like that at all! "Girls don't like to lose," he chuckled. "you're playing well thought. That's how the game's meant to be played."

She looks frustrated. "why aren't you helping her?" I ask.

"I am"

"it doesn't look like it…"

"trust me I am. I'm holding her the same way I am you. She didn't want to play with you at first either." He smiled. "go on. Play more." She played. Then I. Then back and forth until it made a pattern… sort of. It was gorgeous. She was gorgeous. God moved out of control and we both began to play passionately. I got stuck once or twice and god lent a hand, but more he just watched and enjoyed our card playing.

I looked at God. "don't you feel bored not being in control?"

Smiling at the cards, "you think you did this on your own? I helped. And what's more I didn't do it just for the picture." He turned to me. "it brings me joy to see you working together."

The game had stopped. She placed her last card and looked at me. We had made it together, this pattern. It was amazing. I had fell in love with her I think. She was waiting; a smile still slightly present beneath her suspecting eyes.

"what now? Can I kiss her?" I asked God. She didn't hear.

"you can puncher her for all I care. You can play as you'd like now." I looked back. Still smiling slightly as her head dipped a little; she was pleased to be with me. She had no idea what hit her. We rolled over and I almost pinned her, but she snuck out. Laughing I started to get up, but she threw me down from behind. Rolling over she pinned my right arm with her knee and was struggling with my left. I stopped. Where had God gone? I looked and couldn't see anyone but her. Had he left me with her all alone? I didn't want to play anymore, until I realized it was he who was pinning my right arm as she was trying with all her might to get my left.

"Girls don't like to lose" he said with a shrug. I let my left arm go limp.

"Ha!" she huffed, and smiled at me, evidently very proud of herself. I looked into her eyes and kissed her forehead. We sat up. I wonder if she knows god held my other arm. It didn't matter.

"it's dinner time," God said. As we ate I saw my shoes by the door. There was another pair there now, much cleaner… and purple. The girl's. my girl's. she was gonna play in the mud with me. Before I was doen eating she got up and began putting on her shoes. "c'mon' she said. "food time is over." I went to my shoes and found them untied. Where is god I wondered again. I don't know how to tie my own. "try" she encouraged me. As soon as I put on my shoes they tied themselves. Where was god? Was he invisible to me as he'd been helping her before? But why couldn't I see him now? That irritated me. He said we'd be playing in the mud. I pulled open the door frustratedly as my girl squeezed by and ran out. There he was; already outside.

He pushed some of the children inside, and others towards my girl.

"take off your shoes!" he yelled after some. then he turned to me with a wink and said, "I've been waiting for you." He turned and helped my girl guide some toward the porch. She couldn't move them on her own. "still waiting on you."

Posted by The mini ninja at 10/03/2006 09:33:00 AM | | Comments

Monday, September 11, 2006

Joey the Stupid Part 2

Chapter 2: The Stupid Encounter

One overcast morning, Joey was walking home from school. He had forgotten it was Saturday, but did not realize it until he had reached the little brick building with mismatched toys and, that day, no children.

So there he was, walking home from school, kicking the little pebbles on the sidewalk and occasionally kicking ants. (Yes, we know that ants look nothing like pebbles and they're very difficult to kick, but if you have been paying any attention at all, you'd know that Joey was not the brightest crayon in the box.) He could hear televisions blaring in living rooms as other little boys woke to watch Saturday morning cartoons.

He hummed to himself as we walked. The sky began to drizzle and Joey put on his sunglasses to keep himself dry. He was thinking his usual thoughts - why doesn't the grass taste good, how come I can't sleep in the closet, what will I eat if our puppy dies, and other stupid thoughts.

He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice where he was going and walked clear off the sidewalk and into a nearby park. He didn't stop when he walked up a slide. He didn't stop when he walked through Miss Pritchet's flower bed. He didn't stop until he was clear up to his waist in a ditch of mud. (Where all that mud came from, we don't know, but we assume it was drizzling very hard that day.)

"Oh dear," he thought to himself, his elbows quickly disappearing in the mud. "What ever shall I eat today?"

"Eat today? EAT TODAY?! My boy, you are sinking in mud and all you can think of is what you are going to eat today?! HOW STUPID ARE YOU?" bellowed a voice nearby.

Had he not been stuck (and sinking) in mud, Joey might have jumped out of his knickers.

"Wh-wh-wh-what...I mean...wh-wh-who..." Joey stammered.

"Oh come off it and stop your blubbering," said the voice. And without a moment's hesitation, out popped a little catepillar from behind a bush near Joey's head. The catepillar was a bright leafy green, but as he was of polite society, he wore a black suit with a white smock. In one hand he carried an umbrella, in another he carried his glasses, and yet another was stroking his mustache. He stood 5 inches off the ground and all in all, would have been quite easy to accept had he not been a tall, courteous, well-dressed catepillar.

"My name is Cardinal. Sir Cardinal Catepillar," he said, rapping him on the head with his umbrella with each syllable. "And you, my dear boy, are an idiot."

"Excuse me, s-s-s-sir," said Joey, wincing with each tiny hit. "But can you help me get out of this mud?"

"Well isn't it simple?" asked Sir Cardinal. The boy did not respond, but blinked slowly. The catepillar sighed. "CLIMB OUT, you fool! Must I teach you everything?"

Joey's face lit with inspiration and was out of the pit in moments.

"I'm Joey," he panted, and stuck out his foot to greet the catepillar. "They call me Joey the Stupid."

"Well, Joey the Stupid," the Catepillar replied indignantly, "Whoever they are, are certainly smarter than you." And with that, he began to crawl away.

"No, wait!" Joey cried, and jumped in front of him. "Don't go. Please. I don't want to be stupid anymore. I don't want to be ignored or teased or unwanted. I want to be smart like the other boys. I want to have friends. Please, sir, won't you help?"

The catepillar stood still. Joey waited. And waited. And waited. Just as he was about to pick the catepillar up to see if he was a robot (and thus wind him up, because that's how you restart robots, don't you know), the catepillar leapt onto Joey's chest and crawled until he was 2 inches from his face.

"My boy, I want to make one thing clear. I am smart. You are dumb. If you're to become smart like me, you're to do everything I tell you to do, do I make myself clear?"

Joey nodded.

"Do we have an accord?"

Joey nodded.

"Then it's settled! Now follow me, my stupid boy, as I have many rules to go over with you."

And they walked (and crawled) deep into the park forest together, as Joey listed to Sir Cardinal go over the "idiocies of boys and other hogwash".

Posted by The mini ninja at 9/11/2006 03:49:00 PM | | Comments

Thursday, August 24, 2006

Joey the Stupid

Chapter 1
The Stupid Birth

Some children are very bright. They know to look both ways when crossing the street. Others are very keen. They can spot a lie in a cloud of truths. Still other little ones are funny or smart or even a little precocious.

But not Joey. Joey was born stupid. No one's quite sure how he got that way, although it's suspected that the dullness of one parent and the apathy of the other mixed to create Joey. Nevertheless, on one fateful night, Joey was born. He came out not crying, but looking rather perplexed, as he did not know what he was supposed to do on the day of his birth.

Joey the Stupid (as he was often called) grew and became a normal looking boy with a stout nose and wide eyes. His arms were long and his legs just as skinny. If it weren't for his stupidity, he might have been accepted and even had friends. But Joey the Stupid could never get anything right.

He could not tie his shoes correctly (it took him long enough to figure out they were supposed to go on his feet). He could not eat without dribbling. He shot footballs into basketball hoops and basketballs into volleyball nets. He once fed an injured puppy a hissing tarantula.

At night Joey wished on every blade of grass (he didn't know other boys wished on stars) that he could be smart like the other kids. He even offered to trade one of his limbs for just a smidgen of intelligence, but to no avail. Joey was stupid.

He did not know that soon his fortunes would change. But it would come at a great price. Oh yes, a great price indeed.

Posted by The mini ninja at 8/24/2006 11:40:00 AM | | Comments

Little Red Riding Hood...The Other Story by Joey M.

This just in... little red ridinghood, was neither red, nor riding anything; it turns out that her name was given to her by an communist desendent of paul revere. hoping that this story would rally support against the big bad wolf like democracies, he died of a heart attack when it was recieved as a delightful children's story warning people of wolves.

On another note, his book on how to tell understandable parables never sold a single copy... ever.

Posted by The mini ninja at 8/24/2006 11:36:00 AM | | Comments

Moon Star

Once upon a time there was a little girl named Moon Star. She was named so because she was born under the moon and when her parents first looked at her, her eyes shone like the stars. Moon Star was indeed a beautiful little girl and when she danced the light of the world flew in and out of her little fingers.

As Moon Star grew she became lonely and longed for a companion. One day she was dancing and she danced right off the edge of her world. As she fell she felt strong arms catch her and carry her off into the night. The gentle rush of the wind lulled her to sleep. When she woke, she found herself in a forest full of creatures of all shapes and sizes. They stared at her with curious eyes. Frightened, she ran away from the creatures and into the darkness of the forest.

Soon she found herself lost and sank to her knees in despair. Her tears watered the plants beneath her and they grew to reach her face and comfort her. Suddenly she heard a rustle and a deep voice behind her. She turned around and found herself facing the tender curiosity of a young man. His eyes were kind and she took his hand as he extended it to her. His name was Dark Fire, for there was no darkness that could not be lighted by his passion for living things.

They walked hand in hand through the forest, listening to the murmur of the creek and whistle of the trees. They talked endlessly. He told her that it was he who saved her from the edge of the earth and when he discovered she was missing, he’d gone to look for her. She taught him the name of the stars and how to dance to their coming and going.

It wasn’t long before they fell in love. Him because of her quiet grace. Her because of his flight and steadiness. They held each other close and made love under the whispers of the willows. He inhaled the scent of her hair and she the salt of his skin. They swore they would never be apart.

A child of the moon cannot escape the sky from which she is born. When the moon saw her clandestine love affair, she told the King. Infuriated, the King called Dark Fire to his chambers where he cursed him to the depths of the waters, never to surface and shine his light again.

Wrought with sorrow, Moon Star begged her father to reconsider but to no avail. Choked with grief but still undefeated, she called upon the stars for help. The stars loved Moon Star and agreed to distract the King so she could escape.

One night while the King slept, the stars blazed over his canopy. It was so bright that he thought it was day and began to rise in preparation for the day. Meanwhile, Moon Star slipped out and walked to the edge of the earth. She closed her eyes and leaped.

Into the lake of the world she plunged. Deeper and deeper she sank until she felt nothing but ice. Then, just when the world was going dark, she felt a fire in her heart and a hand around hers. For one moment in time, the moon was lit afire, and all the creatures of the world stopped to admire its glow.


Posted by The mini ninja at 8/24/2006 11:35:00 AM | | Comments