Joey the Stupid Part 2
Chapter 2: The Stupid Encounter
One overcast morning, Joey was walking home from school. He had forgotten it was Saturday, but did not realize it until he had reached the little brick building with mismatched toys and, that day, no children.
So there he was, walking home from school, kicking the little pebbles on the sidewalk and occasionally kicking ants. (Yes, we know that ants look nothing like pebbles and they're very difficult to kick, but if you have been paying any attention at all, you'd know that Joey was not the brightest crayon in the box.) He could hear televisions blaring in living rooms as other little boys woke to watch Saturday morning cartoons.
He hummed to himself as we walked. The sky began to drizzle and Joey put on his sunglasses to keep himself dry. He was thinking his usual thoughts - why doesn't the grass taste good, how come I can't sleep in the closet, what will I eat if our puppy dies, and other stupid thoughts.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice where he was going and walked clear off the sidewalk and into a nearby park. He didn't stop when he walked up a slide. He didn't stop when he walked through Miss Pritchet's flower bed. He didn't stop until he was clear up to his waist in a ditch of mud. (Where all that mud came from, we don't know, but we assume it was drizzling very hard that day.)
"Oh dear," he thought to himself, his elbows quickly disappearing in the mud. "What ever shall I eat today?"
"Eat today? EAT TODAY?! My boy, you are sinking in mud and all you can think of is what you are going to eat today?! HOW STUPID ARE YOU?" bellowed a voice nearby.
Had he not been stuck (and sinking) in mud, Joey might have jumped out of his knickers.
"Wh-wh-wh-what...I mean...wh-wh-who..." Joey stammered.
"Oh come off it and stop your blubbering," said the voice. And without a moment's hesitation, out popped a little catepillar from behind a bush near Joey's head. The catepillar was a bright leafy green, but as he was of polite society, he wore a black suit with a white smock. In one hand he carried an umbrella, in another he carried his glasses, and yet another was stroking his mustache. He stood 5 inches off the ground and all in all, would have been quite easy to accept had he not been a tall, courteous, well-dressed catepillar.
"My name is Cardinal. Sir Cardinal Catepillar," he said, rapping him on the head with his umbrella with each syllable. "And you, my dear boy, are an idiot."
"Excuse me, s-s-s-sir," said Joey, wincing with each tiny hit. "But can you help me get out of this mud?"
"Well isn't it simple?" asked Sir Cardinal. The boy did not respond, but blinked slowly. The catepillar sighed. "CLIMB OUT, you fool! Must I teach you everything?"
Joey's face lit with inspiration and was out of the pit in moments.
"I'm Joey," he panted, and stuck out his foot to greet the catepillar. "They call me Joey the Stupid."
"Well, Joey the Stupid," the Catepillar replied indignantly, "Whoever they are, are certainly smarter than you." And with that, he began to crawl away.
"No, wait!" Joey cried, and jumped in front of him. "Don't go. Please. I don't want to be stupid anymore. I don't want to be ignored or teased or unwanted. I want to be smart like the other boys. I want to have friends. Please, sir, won't you help?"
The catepillar stood still. Joey waited. And waited. And waited. Just as he was about to pick the catepillar up to see if he was a robot (and thus wind him up, because that's how you restart robots, don't you know), the catepillar leapt onto Joey's chest and crawled until he was 2 inches from his face.
"My boy, I want to make one thing clear. I am smart. You are dumb. If you're to become smart like me, you're to do everything I tell you to do, do I make myself clear?"
Joey nodded.
"Do we have an accord?"
Joey nodded.
"Then it's settled! Now follow me, my stupid boy, as I have many rules to go over with you."
And they walked (and crawled) deep into the park forest together, as Joey listed to Sir Cardinal go over the "idiocies of boys and other hogwash".
One overcast morning, Joey was walking home from school. He had forgotten it was Saturday, but did not realize it until he had reached the little brick building with mismatched toys and, that day, no children.
So there he was, walking home from school, kicking the little pebbles on the sidewalk and occasionally kicking ants. (Yes, we know that ants look nothing like pebbles and they're very difficult to kick, but if you have been paying any attention at all, you'd know that Joey was not the brightest crayon in the box.) He could hear televisions blaring in living rooms as other little boys woke to watch Saturday morning cartoons.
He hummed to himself as we walked. The sky began to drizzle and Joey put on his sunglasses to keep himself dry. He was thinking his usual thoughts - why doesn't the grass taste good, how come I can't sleep in the closet, what will I eat if our puppy dies, and other stupid thoughts.
He was so lost in his thoughts that he didn't notice where he was going and walked clear off the sidewalk and into a nearby park. He didn't stop when he walked up a slide. He didn't stop when he walked through Miss Pritchet's flower bed. He didn't stop until he was clear up to his waist in a ditch of mud. (Where all that mud came from, we don't know, but we assume it was drizzling very hard that day.)
"Oh dear," he thought to himself, his elbows quickly disappearing in the mud. "What ever shall I eat today?"
"Eat today? EAT TODAY?! My boy, you are sinking in mud and all you can think of is what you are going to eat today?! HOW STUPID ARE YOU?" bellowed a voice nearby.
Had he not been stuck (and sinking) in mud, Joey might have jumped out of his knickers.
"Wh-wh-wh-what...I mean...wh-wh-who..." Joey stammered.
"Oh come off it and stop your blubbering," said the voice. And without a moment's hesitation, out popped a little catepillar from behind a bush near Joey's head. The catepillar was a bright leafy green, but as he was of polite society, he wore a black suit with a white smock. In one hand he carried an umbrella, in another he carried his glasses, and yet another was stroking his mustache. He stood 5 inches off the ground and all in all, would have been quite easy to accept had he not been a tall, courteous, well-dressed catepillar.
"My name is Cardinal. Sir Cardinal Catepillar," he said, rapping him on the head with his umbrella with each syllable. "And you, my dear boy, are an idiot."
"Excuse me, s-s-s-sir," said Joey, wincing with each tiny hit. "But can you help me get out of this mud?"
"Well isn't it simple?" asked Sir Cardinal. The boy did not respond, but blinked slowly. The catepillar sighed. "CLIMB OUT, you fool! Must I teach you everything?"
Joey's face lit with inspiration and was out of the pit in moments.
"I'm Joey," he panted, and stuck out his foot to greet the catepillar. "They call me Joey the Stupid."
"Well, Joey the Stupid," the Catepillar replied indignantly, "Whoever they are, are certainly smarter than you." And with that, he began to crawl away.
"No, wait!" Joey cried, and jumped in front of him. "Don't go. Please. I don't want to be stupid anymore. I don't want to be ignored or teased or unwanted. I want to be smart like the other boys. I want to have friends. Please, sir, won't you help?"
The catepillar stood still. Joey waited. And waited. And waited. Just as he was about to pick the catepillar up to see if he was a robot (and thus wind him up, because that's how you restart robots, don't you know), the catepillar leapt onto Joey's chest and crawled until he was 2 inches from his face.
"My boy, I want to make one thing clear. I am smart. You are dumb. If you're to become smart like me, you're to do everything I tell you to do, do I make myself clear?"
Joey nodded.
"Do we have an accord?"
Joey nodded.
"Then it's settled! Now follow me, my stupid boy, as I have many rules to go over with you."
And they walked (and crawled) deep into the park forest together, as Joey listed to Sir Cardinal go over the "idiocies of boys and other hogwash".
